The Department of the Navy endorses the secure use of Web 2.0 tools to enhance communication, collaboration, and information exchange; streamline processes; and foster productivity improvements. Use ofthese tools supports Department of Defense (DoD) and DON goals of achieving an interoperable, net-centric environment by improving the warfighter's effectiveness through seamless access to critical information. Web 2.0 tools are useful in a global enterprise, such as the DON,' as they enable widely dispersed commands and personnel to more effectively collaborate and share information. The gains in productivity, efficiency, and innovation can be significant. Commands are encouraged to use Web 2.0 tools, consistent with applicable laws, regulations, and policies.
I ran the posting's text above through 3 online readability engines. They give "Indication of the number of years of formal education that a person requires in order to easily understand the text on the first reading." Results: 15.6, 18.3, and 15.9.
ReplyDeleteRemoving all the buzz-words and weird locutions, what you wanted to say is somewhere between "The Navy should use common tech tools to better communicate" (average readability score: 8) and "Use that stuff to talk better" (2.4).
Odd that a piece on better internal communication should itself exemplify the need for better communications, but also iIndicative of the military's propensity to substitute jargon and specialized terms-of-art for simple English words and sentences.
And not picking on the blog owner here. The ability to communicate in plain English is a Navy- and Service-wide problem. But "Sighted sub - sank same" seems a whole lot better than "Use of these tools supports Department of Defense (DoD) and DON goals of achieving an interoperable, net-centric environment by improving the warfighter's effectiveness through seamless access to critical information."
The 17th century French scientist Blaise Pascal said this: The present letter is a very long one, simply because I had no leisure to make it shorter." i.e., 'I've written you a long letter because I didn't have time for a short one.' Or as the actor Jeff Daniels put it: "Writing is hard; writing well is very, very hard."